Nausea
by amour de vin
Summary: A meditation on touch.Implied slash, Dark.


Disclaimer: I claim no part of Madame Rowling's universe.

Unfazed by Dumbledore's wordless spell freezing him, still invisible, Harry began to set himself free as Draco entered in with Snape. As Dumbledore pleaded for understanding, he finally came free and removed his invisibility cloak, leaving the hood of his normal one on for the time being. As more Death Eaters spilled out of the staircase and onto the open top of the Astronomy Tower, Dumbledore finally turned to where Snape and Draco were staring. Eyes widening, he whispered, "It isn't safe, you foolish boy. What are you doing?"

"No, it isn't." Harry replied simply, raising his wand. "Avada Kedavra."

As the body fell, he pulled out a simple gold ring and put it on, feeling the spells set in place, anchored by his presence. He placed a few protection charms on it silently, before turning to the frozen Death Eaters. Seeing their shock at the simple and sudden death, he muttered "Fools." before turning back and wordlessly casting Morsmordre. He took one last glance at Dumbledore's body before sweeping past the still-frozen spectators and down the stairs, intent upon finally leaving the school for good.

Ignoring the fighting that he passed, Harry reached with his magic, setting the Dark Marks to burning, signaling the end of the mission, before crossing the grounds and disapparating.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Arriving at the compound, Harry walked swiftly past the guards unchallenged, moving towards his slightly anxious mate. Finding him in the throne room, he slipped through the doors to see him sprawled elegantly in the simple chair on the dais.

"Tom." he said quietly, causing his head to lift. Basking in the feeling of relief and warmth coming from the Dark Lord, it took a second before the changes registered, causing Harry to come to a halt.

"I take it that everything went well?" Voldemort asked softly, breaking him from his contemplation of the changed, yet beloved features.

Moving swiftly to his side, Harry settled himself at Voldemort's feet, resting his head on his knee, before replying.

"As well as things seem to have gone here in my absence." Harry smirked. "After dealing with our little Inferi-infested trap, one could almost say that it was a mercy killing. It worked." he finished simply, holding up the hand with the ring, which Voldemort captured, entwining their fingers.

"I don't think that your children know who I am, so their reactions should provide some amusement." Harry said idly after a time.

Not bothering to reply, Voldemort just tightened his grip, the only physical sign of his dying worry. Harry settled his head more comfortably on the familiar knee and closed his eyes, reveling in the quiet, and didn't move until an alert to signal the Death Eaters return sounded. He got up, rather reluctantly releasing Voldemort's hand, and conjured a chair next to his before settling in, still hooded.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The Inner Circle came in silently, the few who knew what had happened atop the Tower apparent through their well-hidden confusion, which increased, to Harry's amusement, as they noticed his presence. His smirk was hidden as they greeted Voldemort, who could feel Harry's thoughts, and was struggling to remain impassive outwardly. As they began to report, Harry allowed his thoughts to drift, well pleased with the reactions, but uninterested else wise, until he heard his name spoken.

"Harry Potter was not seen, my lord." Snape was saying quietly. He paused, and then continued hesitantly, "Dumbledore arrived quite late, at the top of the Astronomy Tower, looking unwell, and was killed almost immediately."

"Really. Thank you, Severus." Voldemort said, before turning to Harry. "Are you going to continue to brood over there, or will you provide details?" he said amusedly.

"I am not brooding, Tom. I don't brood. I plot, connive, and dream up ever more creative deaths, some of which you use." Harry said as he slowly reached up to remove his hood. "Harry Potter, Golden Boy, broods. Or sulks." he added as the hood came down. Into the resultant dead silence, he finished, "There isn't much detail needed. Harry Potter went with Dumbledore on a fool's errand, played with Inferi, and I returned to kill him. It all went swimmingly. The Light is dead. Do continue on with your plans, I am content."

In answer to Voldemort's rising amusement, Harry blandly inspected his nails before conjuring a tumbler of whiskey and absently took a sip.

/Love. / he hissed, looking up. /Your children look like guppies. Well-bred ones, though. / he added, amusement obvious.

"Perhaps if you were to explain Harry Potter to them, their breeding could be put to better use." Voldemort said mildly, causing mouths to snap shut hurriedly.

"Why do I feel like its story time?" Harry muttered, as the Inner Circle's attention swung to him.

Taking a bracing sip of his drink, Harry began.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Harry Potter, as the public knows him, is a construct, created about fourteen years ago."

At their uncomprehending looks, he clarified. "Well, perhaps not completely, but the idea was begun shortly after your lord lost physical form. It didn't come to fruition until I got my first official introduction to the magical world at the age of eleven."

Abruptly he interrupted himself. "Tom, we are completely done with Harry Potter, yes?"

At Voldemort's indulgent nod, Harry hissed/And of course that would have nothing to do with the fact that you want to see the final results, would it/

Ignoring his mate's completely unrepentant thoughts, he took off his hideous glasses, which anchored all of his glamours in place, before dispelling them with a simple wave of his hand. He looked at Voldemort first, and was very pleased at the spike of lust, and silently promised him 'Later, love.' before turning to his waiting audience, giving them a long moment to see his much-changed features. He knew that they probably would not see his uncanny resemblance to the young Tom Riddle, not having known him before his transformation into Lord Voldemort. He knew that his features were more refined that the created Harry Potter's, and silently wondering what had changed, Tom whispered in his mind, 'Your eyes have slit pupils, like a snake's, though they are still green.'

Returning to his narrative, Harry continued. "Hagrid, much less the rest of the wizarding world, would not have dealt well with me, even as I was at that tender age. Having already harboured a piece of Lord Voldemort's soul for more than nine years, I was changed, but considering the purpose behind the almost complete fusion, we thought it better to create an entire persona better suited to the finicky tastes of the wizarding world at large."

Snape spoke first. "My lord, how did this go undetected? I assaulted Potter's mind for months…" he trailed off, obviously realising what he was saying.

Harry laughed. "Would you really have expected spoilt, self-centred Harry Potter, Golden Boy of Gryffindor, friend to Weasleys everywhere", drawing a snort of laughter from Draco, quickly muffled, "to have had any talent in Occlumency? Everything that you saw, and Dumbledore saw, for that matter, was fabricated. Can you imagine Dumbledore's reaction to meeting Lord Voldemort within my mind, at the age of eleven?"

"My lords, might I ask, why?" Draco's hesitant voice sputtered to a halt, his unease clear.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Harry clearly saw that true question being asked, however clumsily, and also saw it reflected in the faces of the other Death Eaters. Sighing, he could feel Tom's reassurance overriding his reluctance, and began to speak.

"I know that you know at least part of why Lord Voldemort came into being. My story is somewhat similar."

Obliquely, he continued. "A Horcrux, traditionally made, is a portion of a wizard, or", with a nod to Bellatrix, "witch's soul contained within an inanimate object. Contained within a living being, its original purpose is mutated, being subject to another soul contained within the same object. Instead of going into a sort of stasis, we found that it remains sentient and aware. From that Halloween night, I essentially had the essence of Lord Voldemort contained within me as a constant companion. The Sorting Hat mistook him as my Slytherin tendencies, and so tried to place me within that House" he said slyly, glancing at Snape, who looked uncomfortable, "but he was much more than that. From the first day of my placement within my relatives' house he was the only piece of sanity that remained."

Relaxing deliberately, and taking another sip of whiskey, Harry continued. "I am sure that you have heard from your children, or relatives at Hogwarts the various rumours concerning my home life."

He took another, larger, fortifying sip, and feeling Tom's reassuring touch in the back of his mind, he continued. "Muggles have done studies on the results of the neglectful treatment of orphans left in war-torn countries. Having disinterested caretakers who only feed and dress them, and with little outside stimulation, their growth, both physical and mental, is severely retarded. Without magic, they have no recourse. With Tom, I had salvation."

With a bitter twist of his lips, Harry said, "They never touched me. Ever. My magic protected me from obvious harm, maintaining my physical health, but I found upon entering Hogwarts and general society, that my emotional reactions…. left a bit to be desired. The only person who can touch me without causing rather severe nausea is Tom."

Shaking himself a bit, Harry slouched a bit more, staring broodingly into his glass, ignoring the silent audience. He could almost feel their lingering confusion, and didn't really want to answer whatever remained of their doubts or fears concerning his loyalties.

Lucius couldn't help but ask, "Why, my lord, are they still living? The Muggles."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Well, that is the question, isn't it?", Harry said quietly. "But then, I think you mean my relatives. But one cannot feel that they need death any more than wizards who feel that Muggles, freaks", said with particular viciousness, "that they are, should not live. Wouldn't it be better to just remove those who caused me pain? "

Harry's voice continued to sharpen, though didn't get louder. "Perhaps now you are beginning to see? Nausea seems like a rather trivial condition, compared to such things as the pain of the Cruciatus curse, but to feel it every day, because of every single person who surrounds me. Casual touching in the halls, awed wizards and witches in Diagon Alley, in Hogsmeade, friends, supposed mentors, teachers. The list goes on. Tom has always been impressed with my self-control. I asked for two people, Dumbledore and Pettigrew. One has been dead for over two years, the other taken tonight. I shall be content. Otherwise, where would I stop? The only person I feel worth keeping alive is Tom. The rest of humanity I suffer to live."

/I've had enough. I will await you in bed, love. / Harry hissed quietly, standing. Quickly pressing his lips to Voldemort's wrist, he then turned and swept out a concealed side door, wanting nothing more than quiet and Tom.


End file.
